The word should might be small, but it carries a heavy load. Guilt. Pressure. Expectations. It’s time we gave it the boot. The truth is, should often sneaks into our lives as an uninvited guest, dragging with it a whole load of external opinions, outdated advice, and societal pressures that don’t belong to us. So, let’s ask the question: what would life look like if we simply stopped “should-ing” ourselves?
The Weight of “Should”
Think about it. How many times a day do you catch yourself saying:
- “I should go to that event, even though I’m exhausted.”
- “I should be more organised, like so-and-so.”
- “I should be doing more, achieving more, being more.”
These statements aren’t harmless. Each one piles on the pressure to conform to someone else’s version of “right” or “good enough.” And for what? Often, it’s to meet expectations that don’t align with our values, strengths, or needs.
Why “Should” Needs to Go
Here’s the thing: the only thing we should be doing is tuning in, listening to ourselves, and looking after our well-being. Everything else? It can politely (or not-so-politely) do one. When we give ourselves permission to let go of “should” and focus on what feels right for us, we open the door to authentic living.
In my book, Permission to Be Different, I explore how this shift can be transformational—especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. So often, society’s “shoulds” are built for a one-size-fits-all world. But what if your size, shape, and style don’t fit the mould? That’s not a problem to fix; it’s a strength to embrace.
The RADIATE Model: A Roadmap for Letting Go of “Should”
This is where the RADIATE model comes in. It’s a framework I created to help people—neurodivergent or not—step away from external pressures and step into alignment with their true selves, and I explore this more in ‘Permission To Be Different’. Here’s how it works:
- Reflection: Pause and ask, “Where is this ‘should’ coming from? Is it mine, or is it someone else’s?”
- Acceptance: Embrace who you are and where you are in your journey.
- Discovering Values: Identify what truly matters to you, so you can prioritise what aligns with your core beliefs.
- Innovation: Find creative solutions to live and work in ways that suit your unique brain and circumstances.
- Advocacy: Speak up for your needs and boundaries.
- Transformation: Shift away from “should” and step into authenticity.
- Empowerment: Build a life that’s balanced, joyful, and unapologetically yours.
Permission to Be Different
Letting go of “should” isn’t about shirking responsibility or ignoring commitments. It’s about re-evaluating whose voice you’re listening to and whose rules you’re following. Giving yourself permission to be different means creating space for your values, needs, and strengths to take centre stage. And when you do that? Life starts to feel a whole lot lighter.
What Should You Let Go of Today?
What’s one “should” you’re ready to ditch? Maybe it’s the pressure to attend events that drain you or the guilt around not being productive enough. Whatever it is, know this: you have permission to set it down. You don’t need to carry it anymore.