None of us needs anyone else’s permission to be different.
In fact, it’s the whole point of my book, ‘Permission to be Different‘ – it’s not about seeking permission from anybody else, it’s about giving yourself permission.
I spent much of my life unknowingly waiting for that permission, waiting for others to tell me it was okay to be exactly who I was. But the essence of “Permission to be Different” is not about waiting for validation from anyone else; it’s about allowing yourself the freedom to live authentically, unburdened by expectations that don’t align with your true self.
For decades, I felt the weight of others’ expectations. Diagnosed autistic and ADHD in my mid-40s, I finally began to unravel the reasons why I felt so out of sync with the world around me.
This diagnosis wasn’t a label that boxed me in; it was a key, unlocking a door to the life I could design for myself—one that truly felt right.
Giving myself permission to embrace my differences became a revolutionary act of self-acceptance and authenticity.
Suddenly, I didn’t need anyone else to tell me who I should be. I was free to decide that for myself.
The Journey to Self-Permission
When you begin to explore the idea of giving yourself permission, you embark on a journey of discovery. It’s a process of peeling back the layers to reveal what you value, what you need, and what makes you come alive. For some, that permission might mean pursuing a passion outside of the “safe” path. For others, it could mean choosing solitude over social gatherings or challenging the status quo in how they approach their work or relationships. In every case, the permission is self-directed.
This process may sound simple, but it can feel revolutionary, especially if you’ve spent a lifetime trying to fit in, conform, or even hide aspects of yourself. Giving yourself permission to be different is ultimately about removing that constant “should” from your vocabulary—the relentless “I should be more outgoing,” “I should be more organised,” or “I should be like everyone else.”
Embracing the Freedom to Define Success
To me, giving myself permission to be different has meant letting go of traditional markers of success and redefining it on my own terms. Before, I felt driven by external expectations, as if the world was holding up a checklist I had to tick off. But when I stopped looking to others to define my value and purpose, I discovered a version of success that truly resonated with me. It was no longer about reaching a certain status or pleasing a certain group of people. It became about feeling fulfilled in my everyday life, nurturing relationships that mattered to me, and doing work that felt meaningful.
Learning Not to Apologise for Who I Am
Another gift of self-permission is learning to live unapologetically. For most of my life, I found myself apologizing for who I was, especially when I didn’t fit into conventional molds. But the process of self-acceptance has taught me that I don’t need to be “fixed.” I simply need to embrace and work with the unique ways my mind and personality are wired.
As I mention in my book, this shift to granting myself permission came with what I call the “radiate” model, a way to tap into your truest self and let it shine outward. When we radiate who we are unapologetically, we not only feel more grounded, but we also give others permission to do the same. There’s a ripple effect in authenticity; when we’re honest with ourselves, we encourage others to follow suit.
Giving Yourself Permission—Starting Today
If you’ve been waiting for permission to be different, I want to tell you that the only permission you need is your own.
Reflect on what feels true and right for you. Think about the life you want to create, the relationships you want to nurture, and the ways you want to express yourself. Make a choice to prioritise these things. Embracing your uniqueness is a lifelong journey, but each step forward brings a profound sense of freedom, self-worth, and joy.
The concept of permission might feel strange at first—it did for me, too—but it can be transformative.
Once you give yourself the freedom to live by your own values, you’ll find that the world feels a little more open, a little less judgmental, and a lot more welcoming.
The result is a life that not only feels good to live but also radiates a kind of quiet confidence, unshaken by others’ expectations. So here’s to permission—to the freedom to be different, to stand out, and to truly shine.
