I spent decades being told I wasn’t good enough – that I was a disappointment and didn’t measure up to other people’s expectations.
I became really isolated.
I masked and camouflaged myself, trying to show up as a version who would please others.
I was fearful of being found out, judged or rejected.
Does that resonate with you?
Then this post is for you…
I’ve been studying neurolinguistic programming (NLP) recently, and it’s made me think about the topic of fear.
I took a Business Practitioner course and loved it, and I’m now focusing on becoming a Master Practitioner.
As part of that, I’m working on a project around authenticity.
For me, authenticity is about my words and actions matching my beliefs and values.
Does that mean showing up authentically without fear?
That question really got me thinking, and here’s something I realised…
I’m not entirely sure I’ll ever show up without fear, because I’ve been exposed to it for so long.
But I’m choosing to reframe fear.
Now when I feel fear – a racing heart, a knot in my stomach, a feeling of unease – I see it as an opportunity to show up with courage, one of my core values.
I believe we’ve misappropriated fear in modern society.
It was helpful back in caveman and cavewoman days, when we fought to protect our tribe.
We needed fear to kickstart adrenaline and cortisol, helping us get through dangerous situations and back to safety.
But these days, we don’t really need it.
With that in mind, I like to think of my fear as misappropriated.
I’m in a safe environment – nothing terrible will happen if I show up authentically, step out as the real me, share my opinions, and act in a way that’s congruent and true to me.
So now when I feel the fear response, I flip my mindset and call on my courage.
That means my actions and words match my values and beliefs, even when there’s discomfort and vulnerability.
When that mindset shift happens – embracing fear and turning it into a positive experience – it feels inspiring and motivating and is a chance to grow.
When I go into situations in that space, I can show up authentically and with courage, and I’m open to the learning experiences around me.
It’s also an opportunity to change a limiting belief and pattern I’ve experienced for many years.
Do you often feel fear?
Maybe it’s a fear of rejection or judgement for the way you are, or perhaps you fear others won’t receive your ideas or suggestions in a positive way.
Something entrepreneur Daniel Priestley taught me may help you here…
Daniel talks about ‘with or without you energy’: “When you invite someone to join you on your journey, while reminding them you’re taking that journey no matter what.
“It turns a desperate plea (‘I can only do this if you’re involved’) into a fun adventure (‘I’m doing this exciting thing, want to join me?’). The latter is far more appealing and far more likely to get results.”
I use that sentiment alongside reframing fear and showing up with courage.
For example, I’m going to do ‘it’ (whatever that may be) using ‘with or without you energy’.
I’m going to be true to myself. I’d love it if you’re on board and agree with me. But if you’re not, I’m still going to be this version of me, without you.
That leads to a belief and an understanding that we all have our own unique perspectives and ways of being.
By having ‘with or without you energy’, I can connect with you if you have the same beliefs, values and opinions as me on a particular subject.
If you don’t, I still hold those same values and beliefs without you, but it gives me the opportunity to learn another perspective and respect the fact we’re all different – we all show up in individual ways that are equally valuable.
By taking a fear of rejection, failure or judgement and turning it into an opportunity to show up with courage and ‘with or without you energy’, I reach a calm and balanced place.
I connect with the people who are with me and learn from and respect those who aren’t.
It feels really good.
That’s the basis of my project for the NLP Master Practitioner programme.
As part of the course, I’m creating a process regarding what I’ve outlined above – something I can share with you and others.
I’ll talk about it more in future posts.
You’ll be able to use the process to show up authentically – transform fear into courage and leverage ‘with or without you energy’.
If you’re fearful of rejection, judgement or criticism, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post.
Feel free to reach out to me on my socials @autisticjoyologist / Nikki Butler – The Autistic Joyologist | Facebook or email me: [email protected].
Nikki x