What if we stopped seeing failure as something to fear and instead embraced it as part of the process? What if failure wasn’t even real—at least, not in the way we’ve been taught to think about it?
For a long time, like many neurodivergent people, I struggled with perfectionism and the fear of getting things wrong. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) made it feel like every misstep was proof that I wasn’t good enough. But over time, I’ve come to a different belief: failure doesn’t exist. It’s just feedback—a way of gathering information about what works, what doesn’t, and what I might try differently next time.
Learning Through Trial and Error
Think about how we learn fundamental skills in life. When a baby learns to walk, they don’t get it right the first time. They stumble, fall, and try again—over and over—until they master it. When we learn to talk, read, or ride a bike, we make mistakes along the way. No one sees those early attempts as failures; they’re simply steps in the learning process.
So why do we treat mistakes differently as adults? Why do we internalise them as personal shortcomings instead of natural parts of growth?
This shift in mindset was something I discovered through my NLP training. Instead of seeing setbacks as failures, I started viewing them as learning opportunities. What worked? What didn’t? What will I do differently next time? This simple reframe changed everything.
The Perfectionism Trap
One of the biggest barriers to embracing this mindset is perfectionism. Many of us have internalised the belief that we need to get things just right before we put them out into the world. But here’s the truth: good enough is good enough. Not everything needs to be perfected; sometimes, done is better than perfect.
If we can learn to let go of the need for perfection, we free ourselves to experiment, iterate, and grow without the fear of failing. We stop holding ourselves back and start showing up with curiosity and courage.
How to Reframe Failure as Feedback
If you’re someone who struggles with self-doubt or the fear of making mistakes, here are a few ways to shift your perspective:
- Ask yourself: What is this teaching me? Instead of seeing a mistake as proof that you’re not good enough, view it as a lesson. What insights can you take from the experience?
- Remember that mastery comes through practice. No one is instantly great at anything. Every expert was once a beginner. The only way to improve is to keep going.
- Challenge the perfectionist mindset. Not everything needs to be flawless. Ask yourself: Is this good enough for now? Does it need to be perfect, or am I just afraid of judgment?
- Recognise the bravery in showing up. It takes courage to try, to put yourself out there, and to be open to learning. Celebrate the fact that you’re taking action, even if it’s messy.
- Check if you’re forcing yourself to be better at something that doesn’t serve you. Sometimes, we push ourselves in areas that don’t align with our strengths or values. It’s okay to pivot and focus on what truly matters.
Final Thoughts
When we let go of the idea that failure is something to be ashamed of, we open ourselves up to growth, resilience, and success on our own terms. Instead of seeing mistakes as signs that we’re not good enough, we can view them as valuable feedback that guides us forward.
So the next time you feel like you’ve failed, pause and reframe it: What did I learn? How will I use this to grow?